


Fight or Flight

by Silva_13



Series: partners in business and life [3]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Not Related, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fíli is Thorin's son, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, Kíli is Dáin's nephew, M/M, businessmanAU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-18 00:07:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13670157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silva_13/pseuds/Silva_13
Summary: This is a fill for prompt number 36 - "Please shut up. Just shut up." for the FiKiWinterFRE2018





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of my Businessman!AU and a sequel to [Basic Instincts](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9778748) as well as a prequel to [A person's value](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9381671).  
> It can probably be read as a stand alone, but for a better understanding of the dynamics between Kili and Dain it's better to read 'A person's value'.

„This is stupid, Kili. We live in the 21st century, you know?“

 

“I do, but Dain doesn’t!”

 

While Fili slowly grew frustrated and even a tad angry, Kili got closer and closer to sheer panic. They were together for not even three months now. Had Fili seen through his façade so soon? All the time he had done his best to hide what a weak and depended person he was, how boring and socially awkward. His boyfriend mustn’t know that everything his personality consisted of was only fake. A mask of eloquence, charm and ingeniousness which made him one of the most successful businessman in the branch. In reality Kili was a useless, wimpy loser, who completely hinged on his uncle, only coming to live at work. And now, Fili was about to find out.

 

Until now, Kili had successfully managed to hide his relationship with the heir of Oakenshield & Co., Fili, from his uncle Dain. It was absolutely essential to leave it this way, since the latter didn’t even know he was gay, let alone in a relationship with the son of one of his most important business partners, Thorin Oakenshield. If Fili only understood that a coming-out was out of the question. It would only lead to Kili’s ruin. _Their_ ruin.

 

“You’re really acting silly. And I have enough of this hide and seek game. Your birthday is coming up and I will not show up as a colleague or friend. I. will. Not.”

 

The blond drew in a deep breath, then continued, “Kili, I’m in love with you and I want the whole world to know. I can’t do this anymore. I understand your reasons, but this also concerns me and I will not let Dain control my life. It’s bad enough that he obviously does that with yours.”

 

And with that the call was ended and Kili could only stare at his phone. When he realised he had to make a decision, he couldn’t stand a chance against the nascent tears and was glad no-one else was in the office at this time of the night.

 

~~~

 

Kili asked himself if people could die out of sheer fear. His heart was racing in his chest, jumping against his ribcage in a frantic rhythm. He felt nauseous and it seemed as if a slowly tightening steel band was wrapped around his chest, robbing him of air. He hadn’t slept at all and the feeling of dread had increased ever since he had gotten up.

 

His assistant Ori had been alarmed when he had entered his office in the morning. He had been so fussy, believing Kili was sick, that he had to tell him in the end. That got him a look of sympathy.

 

“Fili doesn’t know about the difficult relationship between you and your uncle?”

 

“No.”

 

The answer had been so sad that Ori had shaken his head in disbelief.

 

“Why didn’t you explain? He would have understood. He’s a good man.”

 

Kili’s voice had cracked when he had answered.

 

“He mustn’t know!”

 

~~~

 

“This is an outright scandal. This godless, disgusting, repulsive…”

 

“…Uncle, please!”

 

“… obnoxious perversion has to end. Now!”

 

“But uncle…”

 

“Don’t call me that. I won’t have you throwing mud at Erebor by allowing this repugnant involvement. You will end this. _Today!_ ”

 

Kili felt close to fainting. This was exactly going how he had imagined it. Dain was adamant when it came to achievement , appearance and prestige. A gay nephew, who was also his representative in all external issues and his main project executive, didn’t fit with his concept of success. If not to say it was sheer inacceptable. And in Dain Durin’s world inacceptable things were always immediately annihilated.

 

“Do you hear what I say? Are you somehow dim-witted or why are you gawking like a fish out of water? Close that stupid mouth of yours.”

                                                                                                                          

Kili snapped his mouth shut and blinked against the tears threatening to come up. It had always been like this, although it had been years since his uncle had shouted at him in such a way. But it hit its mark nonetheless.

 

Again he was a school boy, recently orphaned and too shy and anxious to object. He shrank, ducked his head and squeezed his eyes shut, as if that might somehow help to escape from the situation.

 

“Kilian! You will end this! ANSWER ME!”

 

The brunet winced, then pressed his lips together, but opened his eyes. His expression was nothing less than begging when he tried to save what meant everything for him.

 

“I … I love him.”

 

Instead of shouting even more, Dain surprisingly started to laugh. Loud and disdainful, piercing his nephew’s heart.

 

“ _You love him_? This is ridiculous! You don’t even know what love is. You might admire his easy-going attitude and his natural way around people, something you completely lack of. Maybe you even like that ugly braided moustache. But _love_? You are even more stupid than I thought! And even _if_ , did it ever occur to you that such feelings have to be reciprocated to form a proper relationship?”

 

“But … but he does! He…he loves me, too!”

 

Kili hated how small his voice had become. How was it that he was confident and quick at repartee when it came to customers, but completely lost as soon as private matters were at stake? But he couldn’t help it, he was completely depended on his uncle, since the latter was his boss and landlord. Plus he had raised him, paid for boarding school and university. He owed him and that was what made it so difficult to contradict.

 

Dain laughed even louder and continued to mock him.

 

“Do you really believe that? _No-one_ loves you. No-one has _ever_ loved you. What do you think Philipp is after? That sorry arse of yours? Your radiant personality? You must be kidding! No, the only reason Philipp even exchanges so much as a word with you is the company. _My_ company.”

 

“That’s not true.”

 

The whisper was barely audible. Kili was shaking, the steel bands around his chest tightened even more and it felt as if he had swallowed a hot piece of iron. His eyes were full of unshed tears and his cheeks burned. He had to get out of here. If Dain caught him crying everything would take a turn for the worse.

 

“Welcome to real life, Kilian. People don’t want your company if there’s nothing to achieve from it! I expect you to break up with this braid freak today. You’ll better be rid of him when you set foot in this building tomorrow morning. Otherwise it would be the last time you will have entered this company. Oh, and your apartment too, of course.”

 

Kili breathed against the pain the words caused. But nonetheless, the imagination of losing Fili, particularly having to break up himself, hurt even more. Kili tried to find words of reason for one last time, but got immediately interrupted.

 

“GET OUT OF HERE! NOW! I CAN’T SEE YOUR STUPID FACE ANYMORE! YOU ARE A DISGRACE FOR THIS FAMILY!

 

~~~

 

Curled up into a ball, Kili lay on his floor and cried his eyes out. If not to say, he bawled like never before, sobbing and choking.

 

Desperately he tried to wrap his head around what had happened. He had known his uncle would not approve of his relationship with Fili. He had known he would try to enforce a break-up. And yet, the insults Dain had thrown at him had cut him to the quick. It had been years since his uncle had snapped in such a way. The hope to earn a little recognition by delivering good work was obviously in vain.

 

He knew his uncle was right, he had nothing to offer to such a vibrant person Fili was. He knew his boyfriend would leave him if he ever learned the truth about him and the empty shell behind his façade. But right now, at the moment, he _didn’t_ know and Kili believed when he said he loved him.

 

Maybe that was naïve and, as Dain stated, stupid. But as his uncle had said, no-one had ever loved him, at least not since his father had died. And the feeling of being with someone who actually cared for him and was interested in him as a person, not in him as the heir of a huge successful company, was overwhelming and wonderful, like floating in warm balm.

 

While the tears seeped into his carpet Kili realised he couldn’t lose Fili, not for anything in the world. On the other hand did that also count for his employment. He was nothing without his job, just a failure who didn’t manage to appreciate what was given to him.

 

But Fili made him feel alive and important. Together they were unbeatable, in private and occupational. Fili was so full of joy and energy, made him laugh, intervened when he started to overthink things and, without knowing it, made the brunet feel way more at ease in general.

 

Devastated about the hopeless situation he found himself in, Kili wept bitterly. The feeling of deep loss overcame him and a heavy weight seemed to press down on his chest. Still lying on the floor, he wished he would just stop existing, for he couldn’t bear the thought of the decision he had to make.

 

_“I won’t make it tonight, I’m sorry. Still so much to prepare for Rohan.”_

Kili sent the text, feeling bad for lying and cancelling their date. But there was not a chance he could see Fili tonight. Completely stirred up as he was, his boyfriend would probably think someone had died. Indeed, it actually felt like that.

 

No matter what Dain had demanded from him, _tonight_ no-one would break up.

 

~~~

 

With his head dropped and his shoulders slumped Kili dragged himself into Dain’s office the next day. He was not only emotionally hurting but also corporeally from lying on the floor all night, for he hadn’t been able to muster the energy to get up. And so he had lain on the carpet, weeping, freezing and not sleeping at all.

 

To be honest, he couldn’t even say where his intern pain ended and the extern began. All he knew was that he felt bruised and beaten, psychologically and physically. The steel bands were around his chest again and his heart was racing, he felt nauseous and his mouth was dry. And he still had no answer for Dain. He was plainly incapable of making a decision.

_I’m the world’s biggest failure._

“I assume you did settle that unpleasant matter?”

 

His uncle’s demanding voice hurt his ears when it shook him out of his thoughts. He looked expectantly at him, bushy eyebrows raised and eyes ice-cold. Kili swallowed around the lump in his throat and kneaded his clammy hands. What had he thought to come here without having accomplished anything?

 

“N-no. I … I … uhm … we didn’t meet yesterday, actually. There was no … no opportunity … to … to…”

 

“So why didn’t you just write a damn text message? I told you to sort that out. _Yesterday!_ ”

 

Kili stared at him in shock. Text message? There was no way he would break up with Fili via phone or email. That was just out of the question. His entire body screamed that breaking up with Fili in general was no option at all. Kili inhaled, trying desperately to muster the courage to tell Dain so, to stand up for his love and his sexuality. But the anxiety won, as always. He was frozen to the spot in front of his uncle’s desk,  looking at his feet and eyes already burning. Surely Fili didn’t want such a loser.

 

“I couldn’t … that’s not … that’s … that’s unfair.”

 

“ _Unfair_? Since when does _fair_ earn money and influence? Or success? Or customers? Since when does _fair_ running a company? That’s all what matters. And if this detestable involvement continues, we’ll lose it all. I won’t have you selfish, dumb-witted, _inept_ brat ruin my company. There’s always collateral damage.”

 

Collateral damage? Did he just refer to breaking his and Fili’s heart as collateral damage? Kili had difficulties to follow. The fear and sleep deprivation made it hard to grasp what happened. His head swam and the panic inside him reached a dangerous level close to overboiling. But Dain already released the next tirade.

 

“All your life you’ve been a pain in the arse, stupid, lazy and absolutely useless! You’re lucky I didn’t bring you right to the orphanage after your father died. Instead I gave you a home, an education and later a job and an apartment. And how do you thank me? Your father would be ashamed if he could see you. If he could see what a pansy his ungrateful brat of a son has become. And, to top it all off, a pervert too!”

 

Kili winced in pain when every single word hit its target. Unshed tears blurred his vision.

 

“I don’t know why Philipp Oakenshield bothers himself with you at all. Maybe he likes to surround himself with weaklings to feel stronger? To relish his superiority over you? Maybe he also feels attracted to chi…

 

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

 

Heavy silence filled the air and both, uncle and nephew, stared at each other in shock. Had Kili really shouted? _At Dain?_

 

“Please shut up. Just shut up," he hissed dangerously.

 

Kili could not believe what had just happened. Had it indeed been him who had silenced his uncle? All he could remember was the blind rage which suddenly had overcome him and had superseded the hurt and fear. Dain insulting his boyfriend, _Fili_ , in such a way had obviously released something what had been hidden deep inside Kili until now.

 

“How dare you? Fili is the kindest and most affectionate person on the planet. He’s smart, and witty and he gives a shit about prestige and success. And yet, he’s an outstanding man of business. I will not have you offending my boyfriend in such a way.”

 

“Don’t you dare!”

 

“You heard right. _My boyfriend!_ You’ll have to accept that.”

 

“Do you really think he loves you? _YOU???_ That’s pathetic! He’s probably laughing his arse off about your naïveté. I bet the entire Oakenshield clan is having a good time watching your idiocy. And yet you go further and further, making a fool of yourself. Absolutely pathetic!”

 

If anyone had just emptied an ice bucket over his head, it couldn’t have felt any different than the frigid sensation which ran through Kili’s body when the words sank in. Were they true? Then realisation hit him what was about to come and he struggled for breath.

 

Dain’s face was furious, a thick blood vessel dangerously pulsing on his right temple. Instead of shouting, since that had apparently been inefficacious, he spoke through gritted teeth. It sounded almost like a growl.

 

“You’ll pack and be out of your office and apartment by the end of the day. Of course you will leave your contacts and open proceedings behind. I expect you to transfer the arrangements you already made with Rohan to Ori, as he will fly there next week. Along with the presentation, the business plan and contract drafts, as I know you already finished them.”

 

Kili closed his eyes to hold back the tears, but failed. That was it. He was screwed. The only thing he had been ever good at was his job. Nowhere else he had felt so at ease, not even with Fili.

 

But under the oppressive weight of loss and the burning feeling of shame – as his crying was again a proof for his weakness -  he felt something else stir. Anger. He had put weeks of hard work into the bargain with Rohan. He had sort out the entire project design, contracts, financial concept and everything else. It was a huge deal, a big challenge just as Kili liked it.

And now he should just hand over his work? This negotiation was about to fail without him, there was no way anyone else could land the deal, especially not on short notice without proper prearrangements, since he had been the only one in correspondence with their partners. And that was when Kili realised he might actually have an advantage over Dain.

 

“No.”

 

“What did you say?”

 

“I said no! I will not hand over any of my work.”

 

And before Dain could start another rant, he quickly added, “The entire Rohan project is already completely elaborated. The deal has only to be landed yet. I’m curious how Ori will manage that on short notice without my support. If you’ll fire me you’ll give up on Rohan in consequence. Same counts for my other open proceedings. Think about that!”

 

And with that, he was gone. Back straight and head held up high.

 

~~~

 

Having reached his own office, Kili locked the door and sank to the floor, shoulders slumped and face buried into his arms. Now, that it was safe to cry, he let the tears run freely, loud sobs interrupted his anyway laborious breathing. He felt absolutely shattered, the shock of having contradicted the very first time in his life along with the pain Dain’s words had caused ran deep and kept his adrenaline level high. His body trembled, he was simultaneously sweating and freezing and his heart was still racing. At one point he found himself bent over the trashcan, dry heaving. Fortunately he hadn’t eaten anything since the day before.

 

If he was supposed to be euphoric about the triumph he had achieved over his uncle, he certainly couldn’t feel it. On the contrary, he rather felt as if he had made the biggest mistake in his life. He had ruined everything. Of course, Fili wouldn’t stay with him for long. Maybe Dain was even right? What if Fili and his family really laughed at him because of his foolishness? The thought of Fili and Thorin, sitting in the living room in the Oakenshield mansion and mocking him, caused another torrent of tears streaming down his face.

 

_He is right. I’m pathetic. Dad would be so ashamed._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a fill for prompt number 19 - "Go on! I won't stop you." for the FiKiWinterFRE2018

Fili felt bad ever since he had hung up the phone after the discussion with Kili. He knew that the relation between his boyfriend and his uncle was more than difficult, for Dain didn't seem very fond of his nephew, so he could understand Kili’s reluctance in a way. But on the other hand, hiding away was not an option, especially not when they wanted to further their relationship. Fili would not pretend to be only Kili's colleague for the next months or even years. He had been through this already in the past and it never had ended well. Hide and seek wasn't a game to his liking. But was pressuring Kili into something he clearly didn't want the right way to establish their relationship?

 

He wasn’t too sure about that and had barely slept. Hence he was tired and in a generally bad mood when he entered his office at Oakenshield & Co. the next day and no amount of coffee could help with it. His father was on a business trip and Fili had to hold the reins during his absence, which meant his work amount had increased immensely. That was how Kili must feel the entire time, since his uncle seemed to have enslaved him.

 

The only thing he was looking forward to was seeing Kili tonight. They hadn’t planned much. Just a nice dinner at Fili’s apartment, maybe a hot bath, a film, whatever they were in the mood for. The next week Kili had to go on an important business trip in Rohan, hence they wouldn’t see each other for a while. Damn, he was already missing him, although he hadn’t even departed yet.

 

There was no denying here, he was definitely head over heels in love with the brunet, in spite of the shortness of their relationship. From the beginning Fili had known he had got it bad, ever since the first sleepless night after being stuck in the elevator with him. And he knew Kili felt the same, he could see it in his eyes, sense it in his touches and in the relaxed features which appeared too scarcely on his face. How could anyone not want them to be together?

 

Of course, telling Dain might cause a bit of a riffle, but surely it wasn’t worth hiding what they had? But nonetheless, Fili was determined to support Kili in his decision, even if he chose to not tell Dain any time soon. He would tell him so this evening to make sure that there wasn’t any pressure. The last thing he wanted was to add to the stress Kili was suffering from. If he only knew what else was going on between him and Dain, but he didn’t. And it was definitely not an issue to approach after only three months.

 

Fili sighed, warily eyeing the pile of papers on his desk, then started to work.

 

~~~

 

He had barely managed even a fourth from the pile when the phone rang. Not the office landline, but his cellphone. A confused expression formed on his face when he saw it was Ori, Kili’s assistant. Had something happened?

 

After picking up, Ori lost no time, informing him about the huge fight Dain and Kili had had. Or rather, Dain had fought and Kili had failed to defend himself. Ori had gotten the information from Dain’s secretary, who had overheard every word. That’s why he knew that a very distraught looking Kili had left the office after Dain had demanded to end the relationship with Fili on this very day. Since Kili had not returned to his own office Ori assumed he had left the building.

 

“I really don’t want to meddle in your matters. But after this I’m not sure what Kili is about to do. I just … I suppose I just wanted you to know that, should things end bad, it’s not his own decision. Sorry.”

 

Although the call was probably well meant, Fili got slightly irritated. He could only hope Ori was calling on his own account and not because Kili had asked him to. What was the use of it anyway? Giving him a warning of what might come? Or begging for Fili’s sympathy for poor suppressed Kili? Could he not stand up for something once? Not even for him, _his boyfriend_?

 

“Shouldn’t Kili be able to make his own decisions?”

 

“It’s complicated.”

 

“It always is,” Fili said with an eye-roll. “Anyway, thanks for calling. See you.”

 

Fili knew he had been impolite, but the information left him deeply confused and no less worried. Kili was almost in thrall to his uncle, he had never denied him anything and always immediately implemented what he demanded. That left him only one choice, Fili painfully realised.

 

_He will leave me._

 

~~~

 

_“I won’t make it tonight, I’m sorry. Still so much to prepare for Rohan.”_

Fili stared at his phone unbelievingly. He had spent the entire afternoon worrying about what might be coming. His only consolation had been the certainty that he would see Kili in the evening. They would be able to talk and, hopefully, to sort that issue out without breaking up.Or so he had thought, since Kili obviously had decided to avoid him. In Fili’s imagination this could only mean one thing. The brunet had indeed decided to end their relationship and was now stalling for time.

 

He tried to be reasonable. Maybe Kili had really too much to do, but the more he thought about it the more his mind ran wild.

 

The thought of Kili leaving him was incredible painful, more than Fili ever had imagined. Was he not worth fighting for? Had he done anything wrong? Maybe disappointed Kili in a way or insulted him? Of course, he had been quite forceful the other day, but did that justify being left over a job and an apartment? He had always told Kili he could live with him if he did not want to be dependent on Dain.

 

A heavy weight lay on his chest when he realised that he apparently didn't matter enough for Kili. Fili sat at his kitchen table, head in his hands, and still gazed at the message, feeling lost and empty. He only noticed that he had started to cry when a teardrop fell down on his phone.

 

Obviously he wasn't even important enough for Kili to face him personally. He wondered if he should call him, but didn't trust his voice. He mustn't know how heartbroken he was, for Fili was too proud, a true Oakenshield. And so he decided he would not react and wait for his boyfriend to tell him the news in person.

 

In bed he lay on his side facing the photo of the both of them which had been taken at the fundraiser gala. Fili loved that picture because they looked exactly as love-crazed as they really had been back then.

 

~~~

 

Fili felt terrible the next day, sleep deprived and sad. Disappointed he asked himself again and again when Kili might show up to clarify the break-up. A dull headache thumped behind his temples and his mood had hit rock bottom. The amount of work on his desk certainly didn’t help.

 

The tiniest bit of hope that he might be wrong tried to settle in the last corner of his heart, but was detained by Fili’s pondering. The entire morning he had to resist calling Kili. But he didn’t, afraid to hear the dreaded words out of his boyfriend’s mouth.

 

_“I’m leaving you.”_

So when his secretary announced that “Mr. Durin’s here and asking to see you,” Fili froze. His heartbeat sped up in an instant and his palms got sweaty. How should he approach to the topic? Should he tell Kili that he already knew? Or wait until he let the cat out of the bag?

 

Before he got the chance to rack his brain further, Kili entered and Fili was honestly surprised.

 

The usually neat businessman looked as much as miserable as Fili felt. He was pale with dark rings under his red-rimmed eyes. His posture was slumped and he looked more like a beaten dog than an executive. If Fili had needed an answer then here it was. If Kili had good news for him, he would have made a different appearance. He would gift him with one of his brilliant smiles he loved so much and start to babble in a way only an excited Kili was able to.

 

Consternated he noticed he had started to daydream about his boyfriend, who stood right in front of his desk and was about to split up with him. He was soooo not ready for this. Finally the Oakenshield pride awoke, causing him to sit upright with a straight face and raised eyebrows. It helped him to get his boiling emotions under control. He would not lose his face here, he was an Oakenshield after all and if Kili chose Dain over him he would be damned if he let his heartbreak show.

 

~~~

 

After breaking down in his office after the fight with Dain, it had taken Kili a few hours to regain control over his rebelling body. Afterwards he only had wanted one thing: Fili. _Immediately_. If there was something like consolation in this situation Fili was the only person able to provide it.

 

The more he was surprised, when Fili greeted him briefly with an unreadable expression without getting up. No hug, no kiss, not the usual affectionate smile. What was wrong? His insecurity lost no time to kick in and he felt the urge to hide away.

 

“Fili, I … I’m sorry for cancelling our date.”

 

Maybe he was mad about that? Or had Kili needed too much time to sort things out with Dain? Worried he asked himself if it was possible that Fili was about to break up with him, the mere thought causing a pang of pain running through him.

 

Fili in the meanwhile fought hard to keep his composure. Kili seemed so battered and lost that all he wanted was to rush to his boyfriend and take him into his arms. But when breaking up with him was the reason, the last thing Fili wanted was comforting the man who was about to break his heart.

 

“Yeah, it seems Rohan is pretty much killing you. And I thought you were mostly done with the preparations. Or so you’ve told me three days ago.”

 

“Well … I ... I wasn’t … ,“ Kili’s eyes were glued to the floor and he kneaded his sweaty palms again, an habit which normally only came up when he had to face Dain, “…that was a stupid excuse to be honest. I’m really sorry for lying to you.”

 

When he dared to look up, Fili’s facial expression had not changed. He had never felt so uncomfortable in his company.

 

“Why?”

 

_Now it comes._

 

While Fili’s entire body tensed, assuming the brunet to drop the bomb, Kili’s heartbeat sped up and his chest felt tight again. He shrank even more, worried about Fili’s behaviour, if not to say frightened. He had come here with good news, expecting Fili to be happy and maybe appreciative, instead he only got indifference.

 

“I … I told Dain yesterday morning. He ... didn't take it very well. He ... he... ,“ Kili swallowed against the lump in his throat, his mouth was dry and the room suddenly too warm, "... he demanded an immediate break-up, otherwise he would fire me and throw me out of my apartment and ... I'm really sorry, Fili ... but I ... I had to clear my head. Hence I couldn't ... I couldn't ... I needed time."

 

“And now you've come to me,” Fili remarked toneless.

 

"Yeah, I'm ... I'm sorry it took me so long."

 

In panic that might be not enough he started to babble.

 

"It's really not easy for me, you know. Dain's my only family and he took me in and paid for my education. He's my boss and he owns the flat I'm living in."

 

"I see."

 

Fili’s voice was even and his face motionless. Kili’s hurt expression could only mean one thing, but why didn't he just voice it? He looked at the brunet expectantly but the latter didn't say anything. He only clenched his jaw and swallowed hard, obviously gathering his courage.

 

“Withstanding Dain is a huge problem for me I ... I ..."

 

“For fuck’s sake, can you just say it? I really have enough from you, beating about the bush all the time! Three simple words, that can't be that difficult! ‘ _I. Leave You.’ ”_

 

He hadn’t meant to flip in such a way, especially not to yell at Kili, but after all the stress, the sleepless nights, all the ruminating and now this aimless conversation he was just running out of patience.

 

Kili winced in shock and ducked his head. He was frozen to the spot, not believing his ears.

 

“Fili please!”

 

“No, no, it's ok. Go on! I won't stop you. You know where the door is.”

 

Kili’s world turned upside down, he couldn't comprehend what was happening here. Too much had already happened on this awful morning and the horror just didn’t end.

 

Suddenly a strange feeling of déjà vu hit him. He was back in Dain’s office, frozen to the same spot. The person sitting on the desk looked coldly at him while he was unable to answer. He wasn't in Fili’s office anymore. The person in front of him was not his boyfriend, but his uncle, shouting at him for his incapability to make decisions.

 

The panic rose and instead of getting things straight he could only stare, afraid of what might come next. His eyes filled with tears and he blinked them away.

 

No, this man was not Dain, it was Fili and Fili was good. He obviously had misunderstood something, although Kili didn't know what exactly that might have been. But nonetheless he found himself still unable to react. The panic was too overwhelming with his chest tightening, aching with an unknown pain. His breath came short, his heart was on his tongue and there were black spots dancing in front of his vision.

 

Fili had already shown him the door. It still felt as if he was captured in a nightmare. Of course he wanted to clarify the situation, but the words didn't come. The fear of rejection was too big, since he had got nothing else for years. Yelling and rejection, he hadn’t known anything else until he had met Fili.

 

He couldn’t hold back the tears anymore and quickly turned to the side, in hope Fili wouldn’t notice. He still wondered about his darkening vision and the ringing in his ears when suddenly the room spun. He turned around, searching for the door, but it was too late.

 

Suddenly strong arms were wrapped around him at the very moment he lost his balance and collapsed. Fili’s worried face appeared in front of him, but he couldn’t hear the words he spoke, for the ringing sound in his ears was still too loud. He was ushered to the sofa and laid down.

 

It took him a few moments to regain control, but when he managed, Fili had already a glass of water in his hand, helping him to bring it to his lips.

 

His voice was only a hoarse whisper.

 

“Fee …l-listen”

 

“Ssshh, easy there. You had a panic attack and nearly fainted.”

 

Fili noticed that he stroked Kili’s head and probably had done so subconsciously the entire time he had been on the sofa. But he couldn’t bring himself to stop. Kili looked so broken and shattered, he couldn’t ignore that. He had always been very sensitive, and Fili definitely hadn’t wanted to cause physical damage. The small whisper coming from the brunet almost broke his heart.

 

“Fili. Please. Don’t … don’t send me away. I … I don’t know where to go.”

 

That was confusing. Of course Kili knew where to go. He had this posh apartment and … _wait!_

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I’m probably homeless, and jobless.”

 

“You are _what_? Does that mean ... But Dain…”

 

“I couldn’t … couldn’t lose you. Everything else, but not you.”

 

“You refused him?

 

A small nod confirmed that it was actually true. Kili had withstood his uncle to stay with Fili. He had chosen Fili over family, job and home, not the other way round.

 

“Mahal, Kili. And I thought … I thought … Oh fuck, I’m so sorry. Ori told me about your fight with Dain and I just jumped to conclusions … and … Oh Kili!”

 

He wrapped his arms tightly around the shaking brunet, wiping away the tears from his cheeks.

 

“I’m so, so sorry!”

 

Kili smiled weakly and copied Fili’s movements with his right hand, wiping away the blond’s tears.

 

“s’okay.”

 

Their foreheads touched, a gesture of affection they had established during the last months, and they sat in silence for a few minutes, drinking in the other’s presence.

 

“Do you feel better? We should go home.”

 

~~~

 

Many hours of talking and lots of cups of hot chocolate later, not to mention the one or other round of passionate make-up sex, Kili lay on the bed. His still stark naked body was shiny with oil, while Fili provided him with one of his famous massages. The smell of lavender oil and scented candles lulled him to a wonderful state of drowsiness and relaxation. The tension of the last two days finally had fallen off and the doubts had been cleared out of the way. Kili indulged in the movements of Fili's hands, which loosened the knots in his shoulder muscles, and moaned satisfied as the pain slowly subsided.

 

“So much for lying on the floor all night.”

 

Kili could hear the slightly scolding tone in Fili’s voice and smiled. Conciliation had been so easy with both of them just being honest with each other. And so Kili wondered for a brief moment, if he could tell Fili everything. Everything about himself, Dain, his upbringing and his self-doubts. But no, again he decided against it. This was certainly not a conversation for today. Maybe one day, when he had managed to free himself from Dain’s iron grip, but not today.

 

His phone beeped and Kili immediately tensed up. Reluctantly he reached for the device.

 

“Kili, I’m working my arse off so you can relax. No phone now!”

 

“It’s a special ringtone. I’ve gotten an email from Dain. I’ve set it only for him, to be always ...”

 

“… always ready for use.”

 

“… always approachable.”

 

“Still, no phone now. Especially no Dain.”

 

But Kili grabbed his phone nonetheless, opening his emails.

 

“I’m sorry Fili, I need to know. I left him quite in the lurch. If not to say I blackmailed him, in a way.”

 

“So, your job is not lost for sure?”

 

Kili only shrugged and scanned the lines full of reproaches and abusive language. But then his face suddenly brightened up and he read aloud.

 

“Don’t think I will go easy on you while you get away with everything. I don’t want to see you in my company for the rest of the week. You will work from home and perfect your approach to the Rohan project, as I expect you to land the deal. Don’t dare coming home empty-handed!”

 

Fili was aghast with the tone Dain had struck.

 

“How can he …”

 

“Fee, don’t you understand? I’m not fired! He chose to keep me, or rather Rohan, to be honest!”

 

“He must be furious. Silenced _and_ blackmailed by his newly gay nephew.”

 

Both men couldn’t help but chuckle.

 

“I’ll better land that damn deal though.”

 

“You will, I’m sure. Who if not you?”

 

Fili smiled proudly at him, but suddenly stopped dead, then looked sheepish.

 

“Uhm … talking about business trips. I actually have something for you. I wanted to give it to you before the flight, as I know you hate flying. But given the recent events, I think I should give it to you now.”

 

He opened a drawer and pulled out a little teddy bear, which was wearing a little shirt with the inscription “Loooove you!” on it.

 

“Fee!”

 

Kili’s smile was all white teeth and shiny eyes when he took the bear. No-one besides his dad had ever made him a gift.

 

“So, lie down my love. Your back still needs attention!”

 

Kili complied happily and felt the tension melt away after a few minutes. The mix of gentle and firm touches together with the different scents in the room and the knowledge that Fili was also naked on the same bed led to inevitable consequences.

 

“Fee….,” he almost purred, rubbing his arousal against the sheets.

 

“Ssshhh Kee. I’m going to make you feel better.”

 

Kili drew in a deep breath when Fili’s hands wandered to his lower back and then …

 

“Fee, that’s not my back anymore. That’s … ooooohhh….”

**Author's Note:**

> Please, visit my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/silva-13) and say hi.


End file.
